Can I do it?

Okay, so I'm not proud to admit this, actually I'm pretty embarassed.  But there's a part of me hoping that writing about it and sharing my anxieties will help me. 
I am afraid to fly.
Seriously afraid.
Need to get drunk to fly.
Need prescription sedatives to fly.
I may have an extreme panic attack and freak out while flying.

My entire family is taking this amazing trip in June.  We are all flying to North Carolina for two weeks of the beach(Rodanthe is where our beach house is....yes, the Nicholas Sparks book & Richard Gere movie Rodanthe), two weeks of exploring the Bunn family roots (my dad was born and raised there), two weeks of fun and sun!  I can't wait!

Oh wait....yes I can.  We.......are......flying.

Now I have flown a few times in my life.  In 5th grade I flew to New York, when I was 18 I flew to Spokane, then when I was 19 I flew from Billings to Denver to Newark, New Jersey.  Then on the way back, I was supposed to fly the same route and because of the weather ended up flying Newark to Dallas to Chicago (where there was a white out no less) then to Denver back to Billings. 

I haven't flown since I was 19. 

Now a kink has been added to our flight, not a big one, but one that gave me some extreme anxiety.  All 11 of us were supposed to be on the same flights.  Great, right?  Well, pretty much the same ended up being the case, except for a small part of the trek----All 11 of us will fly from Billings to Denver to Laguardia in New York, THEN my husband seperates from me and the kids and flies with my sister and her kids the rest of the trek, while I fly from New York to Raleigh/Durham with my kids and the rest of my family.  It gives me extreme anxiety to not have my husband with me, even just that small amount of the trip.

Matt is my heart, Matt is my soul, Matt is my calm. 
I am scared.  I am a loser because I'm such a scaredy cat dork.  I am afraid.