"Lump in the throat" people

Do you ever get that homesick feeling?  It's the feeling in your gut, the one that causes a lump to form in the base of your throat and makes it hard to breathe.
Well, since I was a child this feeling has always been a frequent visitor for me.  Now that I am a psych major, I know that what causes this "homesick" feeling is anxiety. 
Tonight I had to stop at the store for a few things when I was overtaken by this "homesick" feeling unexpectedly.  Her name is Crystal and she works at Dr. Bennett's office.  I rounded a corner and there she was with Sydnee, her daughter.  Smiling and saying hello, we passed quickly, but the wave of homesickness I felt left me a bit disoriented.  Now, you probably are thinking, wtf?  Why did one of the office secretaries from your dr.'s office make you feel homesick?  Crazy, right?
First, I should explain that I used to watch Sydnee at the daycare.  And oddly enough, on my walk this afternoon, I started to really really miss one of my best friends, Besa.  Besa was my boss at the daycare and she was and still is my best friend.  I don't get to see her, she lives in Idaho now.  Besa is such a great friend, she is so funny and I love her sense of humor.  Besides enjoying going to work because I got to spend time with her (and many of my other wonderful friends), we would take walks and go eat dessert and drink coffee and talk.  Cheesecake, she makes these amazing cheesecakes.  Our talks....oh my goodness...I sometimes think Besa helped to form the mom I am today.  When I first met her, I was really pregnant with Cooper-she hired me to work at the Jungle Gym and our relationship just blossomed from there.  She had three kids, all older and gave great advice.  So to make a long story short,, when I saw Sydnee, memories of the Jungle Gym (when it wasn't a center, but just a small daycare) came flooding back.  Such good memories.  Then on top of that to see Crystal brought to mind Dr. B.

Dr. Bennett is possibly the most amazing woman I've ever met....that isn't like a close relative or best friend.  I first met her when I found out I was pregnant with Cooper.  She has delivered all three of my babies and I find it hard to imagine not feeling a bond with the person who helped to bring your babies into the world.  Dr. Bennett knows me....she works perfectly with my over anxious, ocd personality.  She knows just what to say to calm me when I'm crazy and to this day (13 years and some months) she has never been wrong, even when I have worried she was wrong.

 I have memories from each of my deliveries.  Cooper was my hardest by far.  I was young, extremely unhealthy and not prepared.  I had went into preterm labor and was on bedrest for the last six weeks of my pregnancy, I had this horrible allover body rash and even though he wasn't due until December 8th, Dr. B induced me on November 30th because my blood pressure was out of control and I had too much amniotic fluid.  Well Cooper wasn't cooperative and I was a bad pusher and two hours into pushing Dr. B looked at me and pretty much told me to stop being a big baby and get the job done!  She knew I needed a firm voice to get my butt in gear.  Another hour of pushing, he finally came. 

Then came Rafe.  I had worked an 11 hour day at the daycare, had just layed down in bed---and my water broke.  damn.  He was most definitely my easiest labor/delivery, though.  By the time I was snapping at my husband to quit rubbing my back and snapping at Gina the nurse to get me the goddamn spinal, it was too late.  Dr. B walked in about 30 seconds before Rafe popped out.  Easy Peasy!  I remember Dr. B telling me how much she liked his name and telling me he was such a beautiful baby.

Then came Meredyth.  Christmas morning, 4am, my water broke.  damn.  Well Meredyth wasn't so easy, she decided to crawl up into my ribs and hang out instead of heading south like she was supposed to.  But eventually she made her appearance, Christmas night about 9pm.  I apologized profusely to Dr. B for taking her away from her family for Christmas and she just smiled at me and said it was okay. 

Everytime I have a worry or a question, Dr. Bennett sits with me, looks in my eyes and answers my questions and reassures me. She laughs at my husband's stupid jokes and knows just how to handle when he misbehaves.(He asked her to add a couple of stitches after I tore giving birth to Cooper)   She always says the right thing and I am grateful every day for the blessing she has been to my family.  Heck, she helped make my family!  If I'm upset, just seeing her calms me. 

I am excited to see her in a couple of weeks as I am consulting her concerning Dr. Kent's diagnosis concerning my uterus and upcoming hysterectomy.  I want her to reassure me that I will be okay, because I don't think I've ever been so scared in my life.

So, there's a bit about two important people in my life.  I don't have any pictures of Dr. Bennett to share, but I do have a few of Besa.  Two of them include some other people who are and were very important in my life, past friends who I don't see anymore.  Sadly, one is Belinda, who passed away a few years ago.  I'll save Belinda for another blog as that brings up a whole different bag of emotions.  But I do know this--- I wish everyone could have a "Besa" and a  "Dr. Bennett" in their lives.