4 more days

It occurred to me that one year ago (approximately) I began this blog.  I had this grand idea of how I was going to lose weight, be healthy, have more style and grace, have perfectly well adjusted children who always looked impeccable.....ALL by the age of 35.  Phew...then I would be done.  Done with the struggle, done with the stress, done done done. 
Life has a way of reminding you who is in charge.
 I'm not going to even go into the health and weight loss part of this story except to say that when I am ready, I will do it.  Eight years ago, I was ready.  I lost 80 pounds, was exercising daily and I recall thinking, "What the hell, that isn't that hard."  and secretly judging those who couldn't do it.  Well, karma has a funny way of doing its job, and now I am humbled.  No need to discuss further....my weight/my health are always a work in progress.
I guess what I would really like to change about myself is this "idea" in my head that on this certain date....life will be perfect.  Last year at this time, the goal was 35.  Of course setting goals is always a good thing, but I am learning a new vocabulary.  I physically stop what I'm doing when something good is happening and say to myself (or shout it sometimes!) "Wow, life is grand!"  or "I am so blessed!"  Yes, my life is chock full of stress, but that isn't going to change anytime soon, so why not sit back and enjoy the good things, the blessings in my life.  This is work, sadly.  It really takes me constantly being "in the moment" and constantly doing self assessments. 
Right now, my schoolwork feels like $%^%$^&**#(  Honestly I dread doing homework, I think sometimes I'd rather have someone poke hot pokers into my eyeballs.  But, I just keep reminding myself of the reward I will get this spring.  Walking across the UGF stage receiving my 2nd degree in two years, damn right I'm proud!  When I go back to work when miss Mere is in school, the ability to write down my two degrees on my resume-a feeling worth more than all the money in the world.
And my kids.....God bless these beautiful babies I have been entrusted with.  My 12 (13 in a couple weeks!) son...oh God bless him, his sweet soul, his caring heart.  I sometimes wish others could see him the way I am able to.  He comes across to others as crass, sometimes rude.  (And yes he can be at times)  But I watch this boy-yesterday I pick him up from school, Meredyth in my arms and watched as the world around Cooper disappeared as he pulled Meredyth into his arms, nuzzled his nose against her cheek and asked her about her day.  He carried her all the way to the van, the entire walk ooohing and aaahhhhing over the happenings of his 3 year old sister's day.  
Then my Rafe, well-he is Rafe, thoughtful, kind and always a peacemaker.  When I think of the blessings he brings to our household, oh gosh, there are no words.  When I am closed in my room doing homework, he will come in and offer to rub my shoulders or bring me hot tea.  If I am crying, he puts his arm around me and tells me it will be okay.  I love to watch this kid do things as he does everything with such conviction, passion and determination!  I pray this stays with him always.

Now to my little Meredyth.  From her insistance on helping with everything, from dishes to laundry to making beds to her (already) passion for reading and writing.  She LOVES to look at books and "read" to me.  She can't read yet, but she makes up stories as she goes along and then I re-read the book back to her.  She loves to count and can count to 20, she is so smart!  She is inquisitive and curious! She loves music and knows all the words to most of Taylor Swift songs, which makes me giggle.  My little snugglebug, I cannot imagine a life without her.
So, instead of setting a date for when life will be "perfect" I will just try to enjoy the perfect that comes with each day and be thankful.  Recently, I reached out, because we are stressing about finances getting us through Christmas.  Well, God came through and without going into detail, I know everything is going to be okay now.  No need to stress, God knows my husband and I work hard and he came through.
Peace is the word of the day, it is what I have been feeling for about a week now, and I am hoping it will carry me through.  My journey will not be done at 35!  So in honor of my 35th blessed life on this earth, I am changing my blog name to be more fitting.  This journey will (God willing) continue on and only get better with time.  I can FEEL it!