God

The New Year is right around the corner and I am pleased as punch that the world didn't meet it's demise on December 21st.  Not that I truly believed it would, but when anyone predicts the end (especially when it's made into such a spectacle) I have a small nagging worry that "they" might be right.  Of course, they weren't, but needless to say, I didn't feel the joy I usually feel in the coming days leading up to Christmas I usually do....my anxiety was out of control.  And it wasn't just the Mayan prophecy that had me on edge, but other things going on, the typical financial stress of my children's birthdays all landing at Christmas time, school and my surgery. 
I think the one blessing my end of the world anxiety produced was my renewed reminder of God and His ever presence in my life.  Not that I'm the type who only talks to God if I'm needing reassurance or praying for something, I actually pray every single day....I just choose not to push my faith onto others and think it's more of a private thing.  Well, at least that has always been how I thought I felt.
I had a weird "aha" moment at church one morning. 
First of all, the pastor at my church always speaks to me in his sermons.  I find his sermons inspiring and I find myself leaving church each time with more spunk and feeling closer to His word.  Pastor Paul explains things so well!  This "aha" moment made me realize that I WANT to be closer to God...I WANT to learn more about His word!  This does not mean I will start preaching to you or anyone else, as I most definitely don't believe I know more...but I do feel closer....I do feel this amazing comfort that was never quite there before. 
My oldest son has been part of this awakening.  He now has a facebook.  Instead of posting and reposting teenage stuff, his news feed is full of his faith.  He reposts pictures of Jesus that say "Share if you love Jesus" and he "likes" pictures that say "Like if you love Jesus."  Who knew that my 13 year old son's faith would inspire his 35 year old mother?  Cooper frequently reminds me of God's love and reassures me that God is always with us.  I credit his confirmation classes he is currently attending and this amazing church family we have become apart of. 
I have never felt at home in a church like I do in the church I currently attend.  When I walk into my church, I can breathe, I feel safe.  Never in my life have I felt that way before.  I credit God for leading my family to this church.  He knew we needed it.
No matter how I feel, I will always respect those who don't feel the way I do.  I credit my beautiful and wonderful friend Hannah for this.  She is the most Godly person I have ever met.  She and I have been friends since jr. high and not once has she judged me, not once has she condemned me for not having the strong faith her family has.  I have also never known her to do such things as gossip or judge others.  She has always just showed me God.  She has showed me God in her mannerisms, in her smile, in her behavior.  I want to be like that. 
I will fail God, I am not perfect.  But I will strive to please Him everyday.  I only hope it shows.