bummer being a woman sometimes

It all began a few months back when I went in for my routine pap/pelvic exam. My wonderful fabulous amazing dr. says "Your uterus is enlarged, let's get an ultrasound and check it out." She repeatedly said, no worries, let's just see what's going on. Well, those who know me know that I am a bit of a hypochondriac/drama queen, so this news was no big deal or of interest to anyone really. (That's how you know you're officially a hypochondriac, people quit caring when you tell them about your recent ailment.) Well, got the ultrasound, Dr. says there's a small cyst on my left ovary, no biggie, she's sure it's not a big deal, let's re-check in six weeks. This is when I decided I wanted to see a specialist. I love my dr., she is more wonderful than words can say, but I just decided I wanted someone who is an expert at this stuff looking at it. And honestly, I don't trust the lady who reads the ultrasounds here in L-town. So I started seeing Dr. Kent in Billings. He looks at the L-town ultrasound and says he's sure the cyst is something insignificant, no worries, let's re-check in six weeks. Fast forward to last Monday, I go to Billings and get the ultrasound. Now, after so many reassurances that it's nothing, I was not worried AT ALL. In fact, I almost cancelled the appointment thinking I was over-reacting as usual. Fast forward to Tuesday evening. Dr. Kent calls. "Liz, that cyst on your ovary isn't what I thought it was. It's growing, and so is your uterus. You now have a uterus covered in fibroids and polyps. I recommend a total hysterectomy as soon as possible." We hang up. He calls back. "Liz, have you ever had the Ca125 test done? I recommend getting that done as soon as possible. And you say there is no history of ovarian cancer in your family, right?" Enter hysterical Liz. Cancer. Cancer you say? I'm 34 and I have three children. Well I got the Ca125 done, the number is 12, which is apparently really good. So, I am not OVERLY concerned with cancer. I am OVERLY concerned with having to have a hysterectomy. I have never had surgery. I have never been "put under" and it petrifies me. I do not want to have surgery of any kind! Period! What if I don't wake up? What if something goes wrong???? This has been eating at me. I cry at crazy random times. I go see Dr. Kent Wednesday to discuss my options, but honestly I just want him to say, "Liz I don't really think you need the surgery, have a nice life." But I know that is not the case. I know that I am now faced with something I didn't anticipate and that honestly scares me to death. I just want this to be over. My female parts have always worked like clockwork, I've never had problems with my periods, got pregnant four times with no trouble and had one miscarriage and three healthy babies. Like clockwork. My paps have always been fine. This just sucks and I hate that I have a million things going on in my life right now, because all I really want to do is curl up in a ball and stay under my covers and never go see the dr. again.